until, someone has prove to me that he's capable of not breaking my heart then i'll still believe that all men are jerks. the reason why i'm still single because, i don't think i can fall in love anymore, hati sudah kebal. the more time i spend time by myself, the heartless i get. once, someone proved to me that he's not like daddy but after so long being with him, he kinda show alil of his ugly side and its very ugly, it made me so sick and tired to love him, yes, he is the one for me, a second i thought but, *sighs*. He obsessive and controlling at the same time, and he doesn't trust me with my friends. and he was abusive, i remember clearly the night he layed his frakin' dirty hands on me. Daddy did beat me but he have all the rights. but not him, he's not even related to me, he was just my boyfriend. i loved him, i cherished him, but his obsessed behavior made me scared and frightened. so i left him. and i met another jerk, and this farker, i tell you, one, he owes my friends money, still, and he freakin' broke my toilet door plus he was farking rude to daddy. oh my gawd. i can't believe i was so gullible to fall for him, and yes, he was my rebound guy. *sighs* and now, i'm thinking, what the hell is wrong with me? why am i being so stoopid. PERIOD. then i stop liking or loving men, and i start having crushes, for a while, and then i decided to break their hearts, you see, karma, it is to believe that its true, and guess what, it is. i brkoe men's hearts and they broke mine. ): so i guess, if i keep on abusing their hearts, sooner or later, i'll hurt mine deeper. yes, i do farking miss having someone i can say, "B, i love you, i miss you.", randomly. i'm treating everyone guy i know on this planet earth strictly as friends, why? the reason is, i'm so afraid to open up to love. Oh, i get attached to someone easily but that doesn't mean i like you or something. numsayin'? well, i do like this particular someone but i don't think we'll go farther than being just friends. why would he would choose me when there are still lots of prettier and more beautifool girls than me. I'm ugly in the morning, i don't dress for ocassions, i hate wearing make up, and trust me, without make up, guys won't even take the first look at me. i have no assets to show off. i really wanna get to know him more, but he's always busy with co-curricular activities. i wanna tell him that i'm interested in him, i don't wanna be friends with anymore. i've not meet him yet, i can't wait to meet him. i can;t wait to hang out with him, i want him to shine for me, i want him to be proud of me, i need him to be my medicine everytime, i'm down, sad, upset, sick, lonely. he really made me laugh my ass off. and i'll be really really proud to call him, MY BOYFRIEND/MY B. (: but, i do think that he's not interested in me. what so interesting about me? i'm just someone who is loud on the outside but very soft and weak inside. no one believes me if i said i'm shy. ): but the fact is i am. i'm so sad whenever a guy said i'm like a loud hailer, or ask me if i "tertelan" microphone. i need to change myself but thats like pretending. i am what i am. if i continue writing this, i'll start crying and lack of self confidence in myself, FARK. oh well, till then, shit should be in the toilet bowl, not your freakin smelly mouth. (:
*ilikeyou,-----.*
